March 3, 2011

If you do something for 30 days straight, it is supposed to become a habit. I have now proved this theory to be false. I realized today that I haven't written in a while... In the busyness it gets swept to the side. The thing that remains constant is my desire to do it. For some reason though, my desire doesn't burn deep enough to sacrifice something else. Regardless of what is happening around me, my mind never stops spinning with thoughts and ideas and dreams. I dream about writing, about letting my heart out on paper, about speaking to people, mostly women,  about the way God transformed by life, the way he rescued me. The way he broke my fear-filled nature and built strength back into me by placing people around me to stretch my tent pegs. He never shows you your faults, or your failures, without offering a solution, a different way.... I look around and I see people, in similar places to where I was... and I feel like if they just knew a little bit of what I have seen...maybe it would change their thoughts, and in turn, their lives. I dream about work....about what my days would look like if I saw Jesus enter in the hospital... If he touched my patients... If he healed them. What would it look like to pray for people and see them be transformed right before your eyes. I believe it is going to happen. I believe that. Even when i dont see it yet. even when i pray and pray and pray and dont see it yet. I'm not giving up on it. Im not giving up on seeing jesus get what he paid for.